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Spawn of Griffith | More unsolicited advice ...

More unsolicited advice ...

Friday July 7, 2006 | by Dalia Griffith | 0 comments

Like all parents, we want our child to find happiness on his own terms. And while we would never force feed one career path or another—because nothing’s worse than a crappy job you hate—it’s only human for us to cross our fingers in the hopes that his professional life makes us happy, too. After all, what parent wouldn’t cringe at the prospect of her offspring treating sewage for a living? Or interrupting dinner times across the country as a telemarketer?

So just for fun, I thought I’d highlight a few career choices—in no particular order—that would help us forget all those nights spent begging baby Jack to please, for the love of God, just go to sleep.

1. Rock star: sex, drugs, and a house in the Caymans for Mom and Dad.

2. Nascar driver: Hugh’s been praying for this one since Jack was a mere smudge on the sonogram screen.

3. Horse trainer: even though 99.99999% of the professionals falling under this heading are complete jackasses (I’m speaking from actual experience here), our beloved boy would undoubtedly be an exception to the rule. Not to mention an excellent source for picking up equine supplies at cost.

4. Professional gamer: because healthy melatonin levels are totally overrated.